I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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