I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
