Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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