I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
