Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
