I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
