my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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