I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
