the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
