i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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