Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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