i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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