guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
