found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
