My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
