His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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