Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
