Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
