I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
