Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
