all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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