My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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