There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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