She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
