perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
