her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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