Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
