she was so not down for the gang bang
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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