??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
