I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
