i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
