I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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