When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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