I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I fill condoms, not promises.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It's shark week go big or go home
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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