she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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