Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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