im about as happy as oj after his trial
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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