I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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