so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
