That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
