areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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