porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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