How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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