I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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