I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
