I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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