Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
