this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
