My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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