When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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