i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so let's talk penis.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
