I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
