Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
