The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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