I didn't shave. On purpose
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
