Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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